Lyrics of the moment: Dearest enemy: you should have never trusted me, you bitch.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I've discovered some things.

1: Yay Therapy isn't really that difficult. It's not a cakewalk, but it's not as mean as I thought. (:

2: I know why I hate band now, and Fall Out Boy couldn't put it any better: "It was never about the songs, it was competition; make the biggest scene (make the biggest...)" Like, really. That's all Mrs. Pierce cares about, and that's not cool, man, =/

3: Um. SHIT I FORGOT. Oh, no wait. I think I'm either being emotionally abused tor taking things out of context. -nod- /not really worried about it for some reason

4: I'm a vampire again. D;

5: I really need to come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never get to go to a concert or meet my bands. I'm just torturing myself thinking it'll actually happen.

6: I might be able to talk my mom into getting me the singing lesson thing I want for my b-day, even if it's my only present and I have to stick with my crappy First Act, four-year-old-and-getting-older guitar for a while. (:

7: Barre chords suck.

8: ...I don't know why I'm still writing. It's not like anyone reads this.

9: One more thing: screamo is amazing. Especially Bring Me The Horizon. ('course, they're British, so of course they're awesome, but)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I Just.

Third grade. Third fucking grade. That was the last time I could look in the mirror and think, Hey, I look kinda good. And third grade was when no one cared.

Third. Fucking. Grade. It started in fourth. And I don't think I've looked at myself and liked what I saw once since then.

God damn it. Now I feel like such a hypocrite. What kind of person does Operation Beautiful notes that hates how they look with a burning, fiery passion?

I want to say I don't care, I really do. But I have to admit, everyone has to admit: even though the inside *counts*, the outside's what *matters* in this world. So if you don't have a nice outside? You're fucked with everything. So I'm fucked.

(I bet if I had either never been born or had been born with a dick instead it'd be easier. -sigh-)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Swing, Swing, Swing, From the Tangles of My Heart is Crushed by a Former Love

My Swing, Swing is nearly perfect. I'm still making mistakes, but, hey. It's gotten really good for a first song. Now to work on singing/playing while singing. Nrgh.

(Now if only I loved the euph as much as I love the guitar. Then I'd be practicing that instead, which I should be doing. But I've come to honestly hate it, so. (:)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I've Become So Numb

It's almost as if they're intent on making me feel like a fucking failure all the time. And I know it's partially my fault. But dammit. "You were just like me with someone disappointed in you", yeah? But they don't wanna think that. And I swear to god, I've always known she prefers Travis, but it also seems like she prefers the friggin' cat over me sometimes.

Nrgh. I don't know if it's just hormones or what. And why is it that the only person I can really, truly talk to doesn't have his internet right now, and I can't text right now either?

Fuck it all. Just fuck it all.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hello, Fascination

Is it weird that I'd love to have a nose ring/snakebites, and yet I'm too much of a wimp to even get my ears pierced? Huh. I need to make some fake piercings, yeah? Small hoops and magnets, that might work.

'Course, I also need to get all the FUCKING BLACKHEADS gone. >< /outburst Just...nrgh. I need more of those nose strips. Those actually worked fairly well. Argh. Bad Brooke. Think of rainbows and unicorns and sparkles and yay lolololol.



Blah. I'mma go drown myself in my mp3 and guitar now. -yawn-

Monday, July 19, 2010

I swear to god.

If my mother would just open her damn ears and actually LISTEN to my music, she'd see there are actual emotions in the songs. It's not 'just noise'. I do not care what your fucking pastor says about anything, either. I'm sorry, but I find every religion just a bunch of BS. So stop asking me if I want to go to church with you. Because I will just call him out, ask him questions he can't answer. BECAUSE IT'S ALL BULL. The only religion that I find to be true is Wicca, but I could never tell you that, because you'll see the pentacle representing everything (not the pentagram, pentacle, by the way) and go off on a thing about God and Jesus and the Devil and heaven and hell and I'll just space out like I always do.

I'm sorry I finally found things that I like and that I'm not your clone anymore. Just because I like scene hairstyles and my music doesn't mean I'm a Satanist, and it doesn't mean that I'm gonna be all suicidal. If I've only learned one thing from MY MUSIC (see how it all comes back to that?), it's that suicide is a horrible way to deal with something and you only make things worse, not better. (IE, Lullabies (and maybe Therapy?) by All Time Low.)

Just...argh. Listen to Perfect by Simple Plan and replace 'father'/'dad' with 'mother'/'mom' and you'll see how I feel. 'Cause my dad? He doesn't care that I'm changing, 'cause he knows I'm smart enough to not do things.

I know she loves me, I really do, but this stuff--not just from her, but for the moment she's saying it the most--just pisses me off to no return.

All I want to do is express myself without worrying about her. Is that too much?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

what is this i don't even

ffffffffff every time i start to actually feel good about me why does it just i don't get it. and then i'll be all high in an hour or less but damn it why does it just happen.